If I’m Honest…

Having a plan always works out, right?! Ummm, not so much. One lesson that seems to always keep showing up is learning to be peaceful and to keep pressing forward despite the challenges of each season.

Staying positive, no matter the circumstances, is very hard for me to do.  I was very good at this in the past, but somewhere along the way I lost this skill.  I am very much a product of my surroundings these days. I feel crazy when my house is out of order or a plan I’ve had for weeks doesn’t follow the course I thought it would. It’s just how I operate. My desire for planning and order increased with motherhood, which is hilarious because that;s probably the worst possible time to crave order and plans.

As I shared with you a few weeks ago in “A New Perspective,”  about a week before the new year I knew it was time to hand it over. I could no longer be lukewarm about my relationship with Jesus. It had regressed back to the “I’ve got this, but having You on the side is nice” kind of thing. My faith and relationship with Christ was my saving grace during my struggle with postpartum, but once I got to the other side after a long 18 months, it was back to status quo, rushing through life not standing still long enough to connect with any consistency.

With many false starts in the past two years, I was throwing my hands up. The weeks that followed were amazing. I was in The Word, I felt light. Then life started to feel like it was unraveling. My grandmother (who is my heart) got diagnosed with Lymphoma, big scary career changes came to light and some serious stress + anxiety set in around making hard calls. The first thing to go was my Bible time. I stuck to prayer, but felt beat up. My written goals to put The Lord first, to work out and make time for my husband were collecting dust.

Surrender

So, I’m calling myself out. I’m not perfect, I fall off track with my goals daily and feel awful about my lack of follow-through on living the life I want to live.

But, He calls us higher. I know this, surrendering to the Lord is not surrendering to the circumstance of life. Surrendering might mean leaning into him more vs. giving up. Surrendering might mean fighting for your surrender. It’s kind of funny that prior to my declaration of surrender things were going pretty well. There were no big waves in life. My circumstances made surrendering easy, the happenings of the past few months are not conducive to meeting a goal of surrendering, if I hold on to the expectation of order and planning.

To surrender in times that are full of uncertainty is a greater accomplishment than to surrender in times of ease. The Lord calls us to master the fruits of the spirit and I will press on toward that goal, fail and try again.

Please don’t be discouraged if you have yet to set a goal, live out the meaning of your 2016 word or take action on any of the things you hoped 2016 would hold for you.

My father gave me some perspective just the other day. He said, “Lay a strip of masking tape down and number it from 1 to 365. Keep laying strips for the next 80+ years.  Each day go and stand on the day it is and realize, you have many days ahead of you.” I’m here to tell you the same thing, you have many more days sister, many more years…”

Let us surrender our hearts, our plans and our circumstance to the Lord. Let us have peace in the understanding that all things work for the good of those who love Him!

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