When I’m uncomfortable I talk… too much. Sharing personal life details with complete strangers in a desperate reach to fill that awkward silence. There is nothing more tortuous than walking away from a conversation knowing I did it again. Being a good listener is on my 2016 goals list. It’s something that’s very important to me. I’m great with people I know; I can handle the silence, but a stranger’s silence leaves me feeling like I don’t know where they stand. So I fill it to the brim with noise, leaving my brain no time to wonder what they think.
I’m telling you all of this because I experienced a lot of it over the weekend. I went to the Wild and Free Launch weekend in Charleston, SC. It was a wonderful and fun weekend, filled to the brim with activity and exploring the most beautiful city. My husband and son + Brittany and her family, from Brittany Anderson Photography joined me. I would leave the crew to attend book launch events solo. Let me tell you: walking into a room with 20+ ladies is nothing short of intimidating. But, this is my summer of YES! So to hell with the anxiety. I’ve been jumping in with both feet and have no intention of stopping.
I had an expectation for how the weekend would go and what my Wild and Free moment from the weekend would look like. In my experience, we have such high expectations for events like this. Let me tell you, it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be….
There was no pivotal conversation or great big moment full of life change. I made new acquaintances, but no life long connections at the events. In fact, I’m sure at one point, I left a sweet girl from the area wanting to run, as I was once again filling the silence with too much one-sided conversion (( I give myself grace))
On the ride home, replaying the weekend, I found that though I didn’t have a big moment on the trip that Jesus’s hand was so overwhelming present, that it hit me in the face he was gracefully and softly there. “He is more in control than we could ever perceive, and he is wildly in love with you and concerned with the details of your life,” Wild and Free By Hayley Morgan and Jess Connolly.
He took this weekend and tore down walls of anxiety, provided amazing motherhood memories, built bridges in my marriage and graced me with the chance to build a friendship with a wonderful family from my hometown.
My Wild and Free moment happened on the drive home. It happened writing this post, realizing I can trust him with the details. I can trust that he is a Good Father and though my ideas of the details can be far different from what he allows to unfold, they are no less as great and magical as I imagined.